first post in a while

i havent written in a while. i didnt lose my scholorship (yayz).

i still have staph infection and now i also have the flu in my throat. my doctor told me i get sick too much. i told him duh and then he wrote the prescription and we didnt talk much after that. it was a little uncalled for but why would you say that? shit its not like i dont realize im sick all the time.. probably because i dont sleep.

in the meantime i find myself actually growing feelings for another person besides myself and my hamster. its been a while since i felt like funny feelings. i think thats a big step towards my mothers definition of "normality". he doesnt have a name because he lives on the moon and has big muscles.

i also bought a bowl that lights itself. ya, you got that right. its so fucking cool. it doesnt even look like a bowl it looks like a little camera. it was $65 dollors but its totally worth it because the girl who sold it to me did the right thing she threw in the extra butane and told me if it breaks to bring it back to the store & they'll replace it for me. she had the sickest dreadlocks ive ever seen. i dont think this is illegal but i dont really care either way because there isnt anything to care for anymore when i have a headache this bad.

i want to cry but am too cold hearted to do so... but i try really hard but no tears come out. oh well, till next time.

today is also my friend bradleys birthday and on friday all my guy friends are making me go to a strip club to celebrate.. which is strange because im not a lesbian so idk why i would enjoy that. i might not go.

oh yea, let me do what my last post directed me to...
fuck shizniit burn lieff cawckssszzz skin heeeed blah blah blah more to cum.

OKAY

so i have the feeling im going to fail all my finals and loose my scholorship... mainly because im irresponsible and i suck at life. pray with me that this doesnt occur.

in other news i went on that blind date and i actually do feel a little guilty for that earlier post. hes a great guy... but im still not into him.

oh and i still have staph infection so stay away from me. LIKEOMGZNOWAY what if my staph was contagious through your computer. haha that would suck for you.

or is it contagious on my keyboard since i'm typing on it? duhh noo but i'm still probably gonna make a huge douche bag who i hate or has hit on me relentlessly use my computer tomorrow just in case=)

wow i'm a horrible person. im going to bed. i hope i dont fail my final.

my next post will be a bunch of curse words because now that i am not typing for class i can utilize this blog to voice horrible messages through the interweb

my last post for this class but not like, in life you know?

waterworld ended and now i'm watching a black lady on tv get a weave sewn on her head. i wonder what they actually sew it on to? is it her scalp? doesn't that hurt?

im sorry waterworld took 100 bagillion dollars to make and bombed at the box office when it came out because i loved it. even though it takes place in the future, when the whole world is covered in water. but something REALLYYYY bothered me about the movie...

basically the idea is that no one can find dry land. the entire movie is a big search for dry land. but if there is no dry land and all the tools they use and stuff are old because manufacturing ceases without natural resources... how the HELL were all those pirates smoking cigarettes? i mean... really. the director couldn't use common sense?

I'm actually upset that classes are ending because that means i have to spend more time in long island and i don't want to do that. i just started really getting comfortable with my life in Brooklyn and i don't want to lose that. i feel like if i go to my moms house it will all slip away.

all my friends who i grew up with here all come home from college too. and i don't want to miss that. i feel like everyone is growing apart and these friends are family, therefore this is all a bit intolerable on my part.

these boys saved my life.

oh btw i relapsed from my skin infection i told u about a few weeks ago and now i have an extreme case of staph infection and more strep throat blah. my life sucks...

- i hope i don't loose my scholarship.
- i hope i get a good grade on these blogs because i love them soo.
- i hope i'm brave enough to continue this blog like i promised myself (I'm positive i will)
- i hope i get rich or die trying.

haha that last bullet point is actually a movie title. bye Farley i hope you comment!!!

he's not badass enough

eh my life sucks. school is ending, and i am having serious, unhealthy, insane separation anxiety about switching my advisor next semester. seriously, i got really used to having my advisor and hes really helpful and think about it...

the freshman center has three advisors who take care of the the one entire freshman class. the sophomores, juniors, seniors, and grad students have two advisors who take care of everyone else combined. you tell me what the better end of this deal is? I'm not weird. this isnt weird im scared.

not to mention one of my friends decided to set me up on a blind date for tomorrow night without telling me. i don't want to be set up on any dates i don't need dates. i go to the gym on wednesday nights i would rather be there.

besides, i saw his facebook hes not my type hes not bad ass enough and hes bald... on purpose. yea, hes purposely bald i dont get it? like, your 23 don't you want hair until you cant have it anymore?

i'm picking him apart but like.. i don't know him yet. if hes really nice ill be really guilty i wrote this. (but probably not still into him)

ps. watch the movie waterworld. im watching it right now as i publicly microanalyze my love life and this movie rocks all the socks in the universe. thanks ill miss you bye.

i think im freaking out

Today is the last day of the semester and my Business Law Professor decided to cancel class. On top of it our final is in two days.

I'm freaking out because I've had a hard time with this class all semester and when i tried to go to his extra help he was never in his office. He's the most unprofessional educator i have ever come across and i just hope i can pull a B- at minimum on this test so i can keep my scholarship.

he's basically the only problem I've had. All of my other professors have been really understanding. given i have been out a lot from class this semester for personal reasons. but not law he stinks man =p

he also cut me off while i was on my way to school one day. i mean, what makes you so important? everyone driving up that hill was going to HIS CLASS and he cut us all off.

Anyway, for the past two semesters at St. John's I've been worried about losing my scholarship. Its probably because i know I'm not working to my potential i do the minimum amount of work necessary. This is not a habit i want to continue.

for next semester I'm thinking about quitting my job and focusing on school. I never had this kind of work ethic before and I've come to the conclusion that work is an unnecessary stress that takes up mostly 50% of my time. (it makes me run back and fourth to long island 4 days a week. how could someone do that and school? its tough you know?)

right now I'm just rushing to finish up some missing papers and other small projects.

hope with me that i keep this scholarship and don't piss my parents off anymore than they already are. not to mention, hope with me that i don't lose my scholarship so i can still consider myself more intelligent that 90% of this freshman class.

eww kisses

im a horrible person. i hate every guy ive ever dated. the last guy i dated ruined my professional life and the guy before that i dont talk about.

worst of all i dont hate these people at all i hate all the nice guys coming around now.

i hate nice guys they bore me. i figure someone just as weird as me can balance me out and we can all hate our lives together.

i should have went to art school like i wanted to.

tonight i went on a really cliche date. me and this really genuinely nice, healthy guy saw made of honor. i hated it it was so.. girly and stupid and unreal. people dont just fall in love like that with their best friends.

all my best friends are guys and im not in love with any of them i just love them but like family.

btw. i know for a fact that there is a difference between love and in-love. in-love is that excited, lusty, cant get enough of you feeling that makes everyone else n the room wanna throw up old milk and gross stuff all over you.

love is just being able to be around someone, not even having to say anything. you could just be sitting with the person, silent, doing completely different things, but you still feel whole.

idk thats just what i think. i like the idea of just loving someone as oppose to being in-love. ive loved before and it just feels more real. in-love feelings fade, but love feelings become like a part of you ya know? sometimes they could even define who you are. because who you love is what your ultimate joy is. and the polor opposite of that person would be who you hate.

but i dont love or am not in-love right now.

this blog sucks im going to bed.